DECLARATION OF KHAKI INDEPENDENCE
The American Revolution. The French Revolution. And now, the Pants Revolution.
When in the course of consistently dressing like a mediocre schmuck by adorning the same grass stained, ill fitting, always wrinkled pair of khakis that you’ve had in your closet since high school, a decision must endure to break free from oppressive tradition, that they should declare the reasons for eternal separation.
We’re tired of always putting on those same pair of khakis– you know the ones, they’re sitting in your drawer or closet, and when you put them on, you think, “eh, good enough…” It’s not good enough! Here’s why you need to ditch them, now.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men should look as confident as they feel, feel as comfortable as they want, and want to bestow on Earth’s creatures their charity. That to secure these rights, a new type of pant needs be created, deriving their designs, fabric, and fit from those desire and rights.
You gotta look good, feel great, and want to help others. That’s what we stand for, so we created Kickback Pants so that you can join us. Put on a pair of our koala pants and help to save actual koala– that’s right, your butt will help critters around the world and look great, too.
We, therefore, do, in the Name, and by the Authority of all good People, solemnly publish and declare that we ought to be free from the reaches of the bottom-of-the-drawer khakis; that we will never hurriedly put on our bodies bland, boring, and average pants; that all previous pressures to do so are now dissolved; and that we, as Free and Independent Men, have the full power to look like a boss, party with all eyes on us, meet the gaze of beautiful women with confidence, and Kickback with the boys, for as long as we stand and breathe. And for support of this Declaration, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, Fortunes, and our sacred Honor…Or something like that.
Go ahead and throw them out. Do it, be a man.
Lean into the confidence and comfort of Kickbacks, join the Pants Revolution, and help us #KilltheKhaki